Monday, September 8, 2014

I've Stopped Trying

I love trying. 

Such a beautiful word. Try. Say it, feel it fill up your mouth. Trrrrrrryyyy. Mmmm. Good, right? It’s like…your favorite flavor of doughnut, in word form. Delicious and yet, so, so empty.


Do you know what try means? According to Merriam-Webster, it can be either a verb or a noun, meaning an attempt to do something.

You know what that means in my life? Nothing. Zero. Like the hole in the middle of that your favorite doughnut (unless your favorite is like…jelly filled or something, in which case, leave this page immediately and never return. Savage.)


While it’s a lovely word, I find it all too easy to hide behind. I’m always trying. I try and get out of bed. I try and do my homework.  I try and write a post every week. I tried Kanye’s workout plan. I try not to speed. I try not to roll into my job’s parking lot blasting Wande Coal on a daily basis. I try not to be upset that Wizkid is really and truly stepping on each and every last nerve releasing cover art for this damn album and giving us a track list but NO. DAMN. ALBUM.


….I try a lot of things.

But I don’t seem to ever actually get around to doing them.

See, try is such a beautiful word, but like the word “sorry”, it doesn't hold a lot of weight. At least, not if there isn't any action behind it.

I often find that when I tell myself I’m going to try to do something, I never actually seem to end up doing it, most often because I get so caught up in the planning and the thinking behind it. I end up so overwhelmed by making an action plan that I never actually get around to the action. But dreams don’t work unless you do.

So I’m going to stop trying.

I have to start putting action behind my words.

I have to start doing.

So starting from today, I’m going to do. I’m going to eliminate the word “try” from my vocabulary. I’m going to stop making excuses, and start working. Less talking, more doing. I've found one way that helps me straighten my life out, is making lists. I'm a list freak. Everything in my life has a list. I find that when things are all up in the air, floating around in my head, that I can't concentrate. When I write them down and organize my thoughts, I can relax a bit. But I can't stop there. 

Now when I make my lists, I set a deadline for my items. If I want to clean my house, go to the gym and watch OITNB after work, I make sure they each have a time slot in my day. Each thing should be completed before I move on to the next. So far, I haven't been entirely successful, but the effort and the action were there. So it's a win in my book.

Quitting trying is probably the hardest thing I've done this year. Is there an AA for triers? Are there Triers Anonymous meetings somewhere close by? Is there a 12 step programs and TA sponsors available anywhere? I need help y'all.  Kicking this's not easy.

I will admit, I'm exhausted each and every day now. But I go to bed feeling a bit more fulfilled each night. I've quit trying, and it is so, so worth it.


What’s something you’re going to do today? Give yourself a task, set a deadline, and go for it! Let me know how it goes down below!